The Peeler And The Healer

So you become a parent, you read a lot of books, try to set up an example for the children and see them showing good values and feel proud. Like many parents, I do spend a lot of time correcting my behavior by reading books , interacting with other parents, observing teachers, watching movies, listening to radio.....really, whatever I am doing my mind keeps getting subconscious feedback about my parenting skills. Looking at how others are solving their problems, dealing with a difficult person while keeping their demeanor, how people are displaying their virtue of patience at work place or in the parking lot.....all of it goes in  that section of my mind where a five year old parent sits to learn. Yes I do consider myself to be a 5 year old parent because that's how long ago I became one. I am learning on the job. And there are days that ring a bell and tell me that many a times I am a perfect candidate that should be fired from this job. Few months back I shared with you all about my daughter Saumya's thoughtful gift to me. I considered that peeler as one of my prized possessions, something I earned from a 5 year old for being a good mother, a sensitive friend who could pass on the values of care and expression of love to this little girl. I felt victorious and big. I was not planning to use that peeler because I wanted it to be with me forever but after a lot of nudging from everyone around and Saumya herself that it would mean so much more to her if she sees me using it, I kept it in my kitchen and believe me peeling a potato was never such fun, people at home caught me with a smile plastered on my face while peeling. Love is really something, it even turns a mundane task of  peeling into this fascinating work that calls to you!! And then one day, while I heard my calling,  I opened the drawer and there was no peeler to be seen!!! It was gone, vanished!! I looked high and low everywhere in the kitchen, emptied every nook and corner hoping to find it playfully hiding and ready to surprise me with a big scream of laughter just like Saumya. I even emptied the trash can, yes I rummaged through our kitchen trash and turned the whole kitchen upside down but it was nowhere to be found. Looking at the mess I brought upon and cleaning through it I realized that there wasn't any surprise waiting for me but oh how I wished for a miracle that day. Like a 5 year old, I was scared. I pondered that if Saumya is learning by observing us, she is going to be heartbroken as well as furious when she finds out.

       Like a 5 year old who treads on a path full of mines everyday where at every action or word of hers, either a parent or a teacher is going to jump out like a Genie from a cup to point out the mistakes she made, things she could have done differently, I was perturbed and muddled at the complexity of the situation. Like a 5 year old I didn't know if I should be sad about my loss or be scared of the condemnation I will have to face. I could just simply let it go and hope for Saumya to forget about it but thankfully prudence prevailed and I gathered courage and decided to face the music. 

           We were in the kitchen, making small talk about our day and even with a strong conviction in me I could not muster up enough mettle to just speak out about the lost peeler. So I took another route, I took out potatoes and a regular knife and started peeling knowing that the observant Saumya will notice and ask. And she did! No matter how guilty or scared I was, I again felt victorious at being able to predict my daughter's action and reactions.

             "Mamma, why aren't you using a peeler for those potatoes?"

"Uhummm, I can't seem to find the peeler anywhere"

"You mean you can't find the peeler I gifted you?"

"mmm....hmmm...uuunnn"

"You mean the peeler I gave on your birthday in India?"

"I looked for it everywhere but .....its ....nowhere...."

"Mamma that is so weird"

"Saumya, I am really sorry that I lost it, it was a special gift from you, I didn't take care of it the way I should have"

Seeing her mother in distress , Saumya brought out the most altruistic , benevolent smile on her charming face and held my face in her soft tender hands and said "Mamma, that's OK, we can lose things sometimes"

And then , with an astute poise she hugged me. I was mesmerized and my vision became cloudy with gratitude. Upon seeing tears rolling down my cheeks she said "Mamma you are being silly, smile now, we can always get another peeler" 

I was so ashamed at all the instances I had been so hard on her in the past;  why did you forget to, why can't you take care, why can't you learn......always expecting her to have an explanation for her actions. What could I offer her if she dealt with the situation the same way and asked me "why did you lose it, why can't you take care of things that are important to you, why can't you learn".

Thank you Saumya for letting this 5 year old parent learn yet again that if I keep my mind open, learning can come from anywhere and everywhere and thank you for being one such source.

Happy Mother's Day.