Dreams Unlimited

I recently started watching Indian Idol, as much as the antics of Annu Malik bother me, the show does make feel closer to India.  The songs are the ones I grew up with, songs to the tunes  of which I did my first dance, songs that remind of fresher parties in college, songs that remind of my dating days,songs that remind of my childhood,  songs that bring me home. It's gratifying to devour such songs while being so far away from home. So there, since I have explained  the reasons that help me tolerate the ludicrous judge, let's move on from the judges to the contestants.  Actually to their answer to a particular question. 
                     
  "Why do you want to be the Indian Idol?" 
 And here the answers in no particular order:
               1.Its my mom's dream.
               2.Its my dad's dream
               3.Its my mom and dad's dream
                                                           Out of the millions of hopefuls that came for the auditions only a handful had a reason outside of the one's mentioned above. Does this say anything about us as a society? As parents? Many of us, as parents, try to manifest our dream through our children. And in this quest of our own unfulfilled dream, we tend to make the child believe that this is what he/she wants for herself and that we are supporting his/her aspirations. Its not just Indian Idol where we see this. In fact, it's one of the serious issues that children face when making a career decision. Adults tend to completely ignore the fact that the child is free to make his own career choice and in fact might have already made one.  A person needs guidance from parents while exploring the desired career options. Because of their life experiences they might know more about those professions than the child. However, after outlining the ins and outs, shouldn't the child in question be free to do what he wants to do with that information?? 
                              There is one particular contestant on Indian Idol, who was in the final 16 but was not sure if he will go further in the next round. Standing on the stage he had only one thing to say "Mom and Dad, please understand that I have and am working very hard to realize your dream but if I don't get audience's positive response, please remember that I will go on working for your dream" And tears rolled down his cheeks. Do you sense the magnitude of pressure he is under?? 
                  But why? If we have this confidence that we have raised our children well, we have kept the communication channels open with them, if we have impressed them with values of right and wrong, shouldn't we be able to entrust them in making this choice? Some people assert that given a free hand in this life impacting decision, the children would end up choosing some career that would not be fitting. But fitting to which mold? If its your desire that the child becomes a doctor, you would have envisioned him in that doctor coat every time he came home with the report card. And no matter what he wants to become now, it would not fit in that mold of your fancy!! 
                Maria Montessori says, "to give a child liberty is not to abandon him to himself or neglect him. The help we give must not amount to a passive indifference to all the difficulties he will encounter; rather we must support his development with prudent and affectionate care"
                             By providing the right guidance and a positive environment in the formative years, we should be able to trust our children to make informed decisions about their careers. But compelling them to become something we would love them to be isn't exactly being judicious. Every hopeful who was rejected after the audition was heart broken not because he/she couldn't make it but because mummy and papa will be sad that their child failed to actualize their dream.  
                              When we become parents, we see our children as our very own extension, an addendum to the whole. It is hard to perceive that the child as an individual, who is separate from us and is really not here to dance to our tunes. He has an entity of his own, an entity that can have desires that clash with our aspirations. As parents, one of our important roles is to orient ourselves with the insider information about our children's strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, passions and indifference. 
                            To quote Maria Montessori once more "Adults look upon a child as something empty that is to be filled through their own efforts, as something inert and helpless for which they must do everything, as something lacking an inner guide and in constant need of inner direction. . . . An adult who acts in this way, even though he may be convinced that he is filled with zeal, love, and a spirit of sacrifice on behalf of his child, unconsciously suppresses the development of the child's own personality"
So as parents are we not entitled to weave dreams for our children? Say's who? Fabricating dreams for the future is what keeps us hopeful towards life. How wonderful would it be if we envisage for our children, for them to be able to realize their own potential, for them to be able to live their dream and being contended and happy!!

Why are babies lovely

On a Sunday evening, family is having tea time watching Hindi TV, that's what my daughter calls Zee TV as that's the only Indian channel we get here. I am getting all nostalgic because they are showing a synopsis of HUM AAPKE HAIN KAUN, with few scenes and lots of songs. And then comes the songs "Pehla Pehla Pyaar Hai, Pehli Pheli Baar Hai



The couple keeps going around the room while Salman sings and Madhuri blushes all the time. I am enjoying every moment of it when I hear a 4 year old voice

"WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!!!!"

No, I do not deliver a smart parent answer rather I get in a fit of laughter which no matter how hard I try to stop, just keeps going. 4 year old gets agitated and keeps on repeating "WHAT ARE THEY DOING??!"
With no answer from me, she concludes he is giving her love.

Host of the show abruptly shows up and talks a bit and then shows another scene where Salman is sitting with a baby in his lap.

This time the 4 year old says "Mamma, dekho, wo pyar ker rahe thhey na pehley, ab baby nikal pada. Isliye hi to babies itni pyarey hotey hain" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Translation : Mamma, see they were giving love to each other and now they have a baby. That's why babies are so lovely coz they are made with love.