The Peeler And The Healer

So you become a parent, you read a lot of books, try to set up an example for the children and see them showing good values and feel proud. Like many parents, I do spend a lot of time correcting my behavior by reading books , interacting with other parents, observing teachers, watching movies, listening to radio.....really, whatever I am doing my mind keeps getting subconscious feedback about my parenting skills. Looking at how others are solving their problems, dealing with a difficult person while keeping their demeanor, how people are displaying their virtue of patience at work place or in the parking lot.....all of it goes in  that section of my mind where a five year old parent sits to learn. Yes I do consider myself to be a 5 year old parent because that's how long ago I became one. I am learning on the job. And there are days that ring a bell and tell me that many a times I am a perfect candidate that should be fired from this job. Few months back I shared with you all about my daughter Saumya's thoughtful gift to me. I considered that peeler as one of my prized possessions, something I earned from a 5 year old for being a good mother, a sensitive friend who could pass on the values of care and expression of love to this little girl. I felt victorious and big. I was not planning to use that peeler because I wanted it to be with me forever but after a lot of nudging from everyone around and Saumya herself that it would mean so much more to her if she sees me using it, I kept it in my kitchen and believe me peeling a potato was never such fun, people at home caught me with a smile plastered on my face while peeling. Love is really something, it even turns a mundane task of  peeling into this fascinating work that calls to you!! And then one day, while I heard my calling,  I opened the drawer and there was no peeler to be seen!!! It was gone, vanished!! I looked high and low everywhere in the kitchen, emptied every nook and corner hoping to find it playfully hiding and ready to surprise me with a big scream of laughter just like Saumya. I even emptied the trash can, yes I rummaged through our kitchen trash and turned the whole kitchen upside down but it was nowhere to be found. Looking at the mess I brought upon and cleaning through it I realized that there wasn't any surprise waiting for me but oh how I wished for a miracle that day. Like a 5 year old, I was scared. I pondered that if Saumya is learning by observing us, she is going to be heartbroken as well as furious when she finds out.

       Like a 5 year old who treads on a path full of mines everyday where at every action or word of hers, either a parent or a teacher is going to jump out like a Genie from a cup to point out the mistakes she made, things she could have done differently, I was perturbed and muddled at the complexity of the situation. Like a 5 year old I didn't know if I should be sad about my loss or be scared of the condemnation I will have to face. I could just simply let it go and hope for Saumya to forget about it but thankfully prudence prevailed and I gathered courage and decided to face the music. 

           We were in the kitchen, making small talk about our day and even with a strong conviction in me I could not muster up enough mettle to just speak out about the lost peeler. So I took another route, I took out potatoes and a regular knife and started peeling knowing that the observant Saumya will notice and ask. And she did! No matter how guilty or scared I was, I again felt victorious at being able to predict my daughter's action and reactions.

             "Mamma, why aren't you using a peeler for those potatoes?"

"Uhummm, I can't seem to find the peeler anywhere"

"You mean you can't find the peeler I gifted you?"

"mmm....hmmm...uuunnn"

"You mean the peeler I gave on your birthday in India?"

"I looked for it everywhere but .....its ....nowhere...."

"Mamma that is so weird"

"Saumya, I am really sorry that I lost it, it was a special gift from you, I didn't take care of it the way I should have"

Seeing her mother in distress , Saumya brought out the most altruistic , benevolent smile on her charming face and held my face in her soft tender hands and said "Mamma, that's OK, we can lose things sometimes"

And then , with an astute poise she hugged me. I was mesmerized and my vision became cloudy with gratitude. Upon seeing tears rolling down my cheeks she said "Mamma you are being silly, smile now, we can always get another peeler" 

I was so ashamed at all the instances I had been so hard on her in the past;  why did you forget to, why can't you take care, why can't you learn......always expecting her to have an explanation for her actions. What could I offer her if she dealt with the situation the same way and asked me "why did you lose it, why can't you take care of things that are important to you, why can't you learn".

Thank you Saumya for letting this 5 year old parent learn yet again that if I keep my mind open, learning can come from anywhere and everywhere and thank you for being one such source.

Happy Mother's Day.

Please Touch....

......and when you are done doing that, read further!! Gee, what were you thinking, I am only here to write about a museum!!! :-)
Please Touch Museum is housed in the Memorial Hall Philadelphia which was one of the buildings built to celebrate America's centennial in 1876. It is the only major building remaining from the centennial exposition. It is a magnificent building with a resplendent soaring ceiling which is about 80 ft high.

As we enter the stunning space, we are greeted by  40 ft life size replica of Statue of Liberty's Arm and Torch which is built using things like toys and games and other things  "found". Can you see the beautiful details in the building? I love it!!

This Image: Please Touch Website


Please Touch Museum is a hands on children's museum. From their official website 
....."we encourage children to play and grow through the myriad of experiences we offer. We know that play provides the foundation for basic life skills such as building relationships, cooperation, negotiation and compromise as well as providing opportunities for children to find out who they are and what they enjoy doing. Play offers an emotional outlet, develops the imagination and creativity, and cultivates problem-solving skills" 

It is great place to spend time with toddlers and preschoolers. We spent about three hours there. Saumya was especially smitten by the "Grocery Store" where she could shop and then check out all her stuff just like mom. 
Another thing that captivated her was the hamster wheel which she would walk on to make it move. In excitement she started "walking" on it very fast but wasn't very happy that it made the wheel go fast as well!! And then we ate in the Please Taste Cafe where the motto was "please pay too much" ouch!!! We should have packed our own snacks. After that we made a customary visit to the museum store which was pretty commonplace but we did find an "out of the ordinary" puzzle for Saumya.
She was able to make most of it without help though in the final stages when the pieces very very little she did need an adult. Here it is

Looks cool, eh?!

Here's the other side of it.

If you are in Philadelphia with a child under the age of 6, this would be a great place to visit. Here's the link to the website for more info.

Philadelphia : Part One

 The Philadelphia Stock exchange. It was the first one to be established in United States in 1790. Love the grandeur and the columns.

One of the many hotels in downtown. Again, the columns and archways fascinate me.

 The Independence Hall where the discussions and debates and the final signing of constitution of America took place. 

 The Philadelphia Bourse, opened in 1895 and was the first commodities exchange in United states. Today, it is one of Philadelphia’s leading commercial complexes, home to 24 retail and food service stores and more than 50 businesses.

People think that Betsy Ross made the American flag, but it's not totally for sure. She was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, on January 1, 1752. More about Betsy Ross here.

One of  the six mints in United States, is located in Philadelphia and it only makes coins and no bills. The architecture disappointed me here!

Oldest living street in United States is Elfreth's Alley and is in Philadelphia. It about 300 years old. "Only??" Ask people from Europe!!

Benjamin Franklin Bridge built over the Delaware river, what a beauty! It connects Philadelphia with New jersey. Construction started in 1922 but soon after a dispute arose between 

New Jersey and Philadelphia. New Jersey wanted tollbooths on the bridge while Pennsylvania wanted the bridge to be free, using tax money to pay for the construction. Works on the bridge even halted for some time until eventually Pennsylvania agreed to construct tollbooths. it finally opened to traffic in 1926 but was given its present name only in 1956.

This is the Liberty Bell. When William Penn created Pennsylvania's government he allowed citizens to take part in making laws and gave them the right to choose the religion they wanted. The colonists were proud of the freedom that Penn gave them. In 1751, the Speaker of the Pennsylvania Assembly ordered a new bell for the State House. He asked that a Bible verse to be placed on the bell - "Proclaim LIBERTY throughout all the Land unto all the inhabitants thereof" (Leviticus 25:10). As the official bell of the Pennsylvania State House (today called Independence Hall) it rang many times for public announcements. The old State House bell was first called the "Liberty Bell" by a group trying to outlaw slavery. These abolitionists remembered the words on the bell and, in the 1830s, adopted it as a symbol of their cause.

Philadelphia City Center has a eclectic mix of old and new architecture and it gives Philadelphia its unique look and style.

Gorgeous Philadelphia City Hall. It boasts to be the largest, tallest and the most expensive of all the city halls in United States. It took 30 years to be ready and no steel frames were used in the construction which is why the walls on the first floor are up to 22 ft thick to support the weight of the floors above.

The first free public library in America is also in Philadelphia, founded by , of course, Benjamin Franklin like everything else in Philadelphia!


Yes, you can thank me now for presenting a long lesson about Philadelphia! I am sure I must have missed many things but then who said you can get to know everything by just reading one book ;-)
More to come in next post about things in Philadelphia and that have nothing to do with Ben Franklin!

I Am Sorry

Two 5 year old girls (cousins) playing together, sharing their books, toys, food, clothes and sharing the people around them. One's mother is another's aunt, one's sister is another's cousin, one's chachi is another's mami. While spending those precious moments with each other that they know aren't very frequent, they get in a fight. Everyone around gets upset that peace is broken. "What happened, they were so nice to each other" and within few minutes both the girls are not looking at anybody but the floor while everyone else has taken the charge to make the situation right! "Say Sorry to her, you have to say sorry, say it, say it now, say sorry to each other" Both of them are being reprimanded by elder siblings, cousins as well as aunts. Did this coercion make them say sorry? In this case no. 

And I am grateful that the girls didn't budge. 

Did your jaw drop on the floor ;-)? 

Please let me say some more before you write me off as being obnoxious. Apologizing when you mean it, is a wonderful tool to make a truce but forcing other's to apologize sends wrong message home. Children can learn that they can do whatever and say sorry and it will be all right. They can learn that they can hit others, wreck their work and when an adult gets to know, simply blurting the word "sorry" would let them get away. They can learn that they can do wrong and then fix it with a simple word "sorry". 

Why didn't these girls say sorry? Sometimes, like adults, children are too embarrassed, muddled with their own actions that they are unable to bring themselves to say sorry. Many a times they don't really know what happened and feel that by saying sorry they own up to whatever happened and are scared of the unknown consequences. Even when we know we are wrong, it takes a lot of courage to come out and say "sorry" and it becomes even more difficult when others are banging on their heads to say it.

      I do want to point out here that apologizing for a mistake is important and should be done but creating a storm in a cup for the actual apology in that very moment would just exasperate the situation. If a child is refusing to say sorry which could be for any of the reasons noted above, the expert advice is to say sorry on her/his behalf and then later discuss the incident with the child when everyone is calm. This does not mean that we shouldn't ask kids to say sorry for their wrong doings, how else will they learn this important part of social manners and skills but beating the drum and getting into a power struggle "I will make you say sorry or you will have to face this/that consequence" isn't exactly an effectual approach.

I was completely enamored by the way children in Montessori school learn to deal with such situations.  This Montessori technique tackles the problem from the opposite end. Instead of focusing on the apology, the wrongdoer is told in clear words straight from the horse's mouth what has happened and what affect it had. This does make it easy for the wrongdoer to realize what she/he has done and without any adults yelling, instead of getting into a power struggle, the child is able to maintain perspective. 

Using this approach is much harder than using parental authority to make the child say sorry. This approach will only work when the child has learnt with experience that she can express her hurtful feelings with words as well as accept mistakes without any fear of punishments. Providing and maintaining a positive environment that will foster responsibility for one's actions is far more crucial than glorifying an apology.

D.E.A.R Spring Visitors

Saumya got a surprise visit, not from one but two lady bugs, right in her bedroom! Sunday morning was spent playing with them, counting their dots, talking about their color, wondering how they made inside the house when everything is closed, how come they both were in Saumya's bedroom, did they come to tell her that weather is warm, finally? We girls can talk, can't we! And then we finally bid buh-bye to them. 

And now on to D.E.A.R, today is Drop Everything And Read day!! I am ready with my stack of books and my reading buddy Saumya. Wait for our report when we reveal what all we dropped to just read, read and read!!

Five year old humor

 "Saumya, make sure that cough syrup doesn't spill on bed or your blanket will be sticky and ants could come too."

"Then there will be no more coughing ants in our house , only the healthy ones" !!!!!!

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It was a beautiful day, so a boy opened the door to enjoy the nice weather but the door said "Apne maze ke liye mujhey kyon phaad rahe ho" ((why are you tearing me apart for your own fun)  and then she rolled in a loud shriek of laughter

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Makkhan baitha plate mein, makkhan baitha plate mein,

Mazedaar yeh lagta hai,

Lekin jab khaney chalo, darr se pighal  hi jata hai

Loose English translation:

(butter sitting in the plate,

yummy it is in taste,

but when I move on to eat,

it just melts away with  fear)

image courtesy: google

Have you filled a bucket today?

Last night we were in the middle of rituals, yes we are very ritualistic when it comes to bedtime. Brushing teeth, flossing teeth and reading a bedtime story and then showering each other with kisses and hugs before we embark our journey to dreamlands. Every single night, no matter how tired I am or how tired is Saumya or how late we are, we have to do this, have.to.do.this. Sometimes daddy gets to join in too and those are delightful days for him. So about last night, after all the rituals, I turned off light in the room and was about to say goodnight and a little soft voice chirped "Mama, can you please lie down for few minutes with me" Both of us, in bed, looking at each other and smiling, just simply being quiet and smiling and the little voice said

"Mama you are filling my bucket so much that its spilling all over"

Her teacher read a book to the class "Have You Filled a Bucket Today?" It tells that everyone has an invisible bucket and when we treat others nicely we fill their bucket and we fill our own. When we are mean to others we empty other's buckets along with ours. This resonates with the golden rule "Treat others as you would want them to treat you" If I empty your bucket, mine gets empty too or rather if I fill yours, mine gets filled up too. And how do I do it? With my deeds and positive actions. It also stimulates the thought process that in order to be happy, we need to think of others. When we are considerate of others, when we treat everyone around us nicely, we get the same in return. 

So how did I fill your bucket Saumya? 

"By driving me home, by making food for me, by giving me a bath, by ironing my clothes and with all the kisses! "

"By expressing this, you are filling my bucket Saumya!"

I am so using it next time we are in a store...honey buy me that handbag, it will fill my bucket and yours too!! Don't you worry about that empty wallet, just look at that bucket sweetheart!! Muaahhhhaaaaa *evil laughter* 

Just kidding!!

I came out of her room beaming. My bucket was full. 

We can ladle positive thoughts into other's buckets by reaching out to someone without them asking, by complimenting them, spreading love. One of my dear friends filled my bucket today, and hers, by surprising me with boxes full of laboriously made food, when she came to know I was sick. And seeing this bucket filling action of hers, Saumya said "Mama, now we need to make some of her favorite foods and deliver to her house so we also get a chance to fill her bucket. And ours too!!" 

And whenever anyone of us misbehaves, yes mommies misbehave too many  at times, we say "you are emptying your bucket and mine too!!"

Handbags or no handbags, we acknowledge the bucket filling as well.

Have you filled a bucket today?

Udaipur : Photo essay

Aravali Mountains, view form our hotel.

I was so amused by this, a proper hindi word "Kaarya" along side "Chalu" ;-)

 Udaipur is home to beautiful gates in various part of the town.

 I was so happy to see signboards everywhere. Haathipole is shopper's paradise in Udaipur.

 The ever famous Chetak Circle. No matter where you want to go, you go through Chetak Circle!

 Entrance to City Palace.

 The Majestic Palace.

 Jharokha (window) from where the kings could see the whole city. Love the architecture.

 Jharokha that opened int he courtyard, its a window for the women residing in the palace to view the performances in the held courtyard. Pretty, isn't it? No matter how pretty, I would have not liked to be segregated like that!

 Elephant! I love the decorated elephants of Rajasthan and this was no exception.

 You thought you could take an exit without seeing Chetak again?
This was a wonderful place to visit. Udaipur enamored with its charm, with small bikes and auto rickshaws that could go just about anywhere! City palace had lovely architecture but left me wanting for more. Living in a palace is so enchanting but after seeing queen's room about a quarter mile away from the king's and that he would send a messenger with a paan (betel leaf) to let the queen know that he wants to see her alone, I loved coming back home! Our life is so much better without all those distances and middlemen!

And this lady took my breath away......!!