Amour Propre

You untangle an arduous interpersonal situation by leaving aside your dignity and self esteem because your only focus is the final outcome, which is peace. People rave about how you maneuvered it but your head is all giddy with the erratic play of victory and defeat. Victory of saving the situation and defeat of the ego that was asked to shut itself up! Both of them are fighting to grab that position under the spotlight! You are unable to rejoice the triumph because your ego that was an ally in unscrambling the quandary keeps poking its head every now and then. Why? Why does the ego that settled down amicably so you could go ahead and save the day is now fighting back for it’s suffering, for the deprivation of its effectiveness? Why can it not live in harmony with the tranquility that was achieved? Why does it keep sending reminders of the time it wasn't fed well? Miss out once on serving and it appears there's a famine. Why is it insatiable? What do people actually mean when they say they have inner peace, does their ego stop behaving like a toddler who keeps saying me, me and more me? Or they drowse it with too much fodder so it goes in deep slumber? If it's still awake and alert why doesn't it keep raising its hand to ask for more? Some say they have been able to draw a fine line between ego and dignity. How do they decide upon the thickness of the line that stands between those two? Is there a way to differentiate? I find these waters are so murky that no matter how much you filter, some parts of one element do manage to stick to the other!