When you are growing up whatever elders say is right. Right? No! But you are expected to follow what they say and take it in your stride. What if you don't? Are you just voicing your opinion or you are showing disrespect? Does respecting someone means being meek or being submissive to them?
Also, after getting married, girls are expected to touch feet of all of the in laws, whether you know that person or not, of your brother as well as sister in law, even if they are bride's age. Does it really initiate respect in her heart for them? She might still hate them or maybe more because of this. A man on the other hand isn't allowed by his parents to touch his in laws feet, no matter how old they are to him. What this tells about our society? If touching feet is a way of expressing respect, a girl's parents and siblings are not worthy of respect?
I loved being a new bride and enjoyed touching feet so much that many a times I over did it. But today I do not resonate with the custom, I can show respect in many other ways like by giving weight to your thoughts, by being nice to you, by letting you sit first, by being polite, by helping etc. Why is this public display of one person being submissive shows the glory of others?
What do you say?
We pass off a lot of customs as our traditions and culture, and hence right. I just don't see the logic of a girl's parents being made to feel less respect worthy, than a boys' parents, and this is done in a hundred little ways. And after this we wonder why Indians value daughters less than sons!
ReplyDeleteIt's sad when one sees women trying to show how dutiful they are when they follow this, or when they take pride in such special privileges as boys' mother and demand some of these gestures.
I found (I saw it just as a PR exercise) that feet touching pleases a lot of 'elders' - it makes them feel we respect them and their (and not our?) culture.
Only when you start realising that it is extremely biased do you start minding it. My take is either we reform it or we be prepared to lose it. Reform should include son's touching all elders' feet including his wife's parents.(This is done all over the South )...
In my family everybody discussed it and decided to do away with the custom entirely, now nobody touches anybody's feet.
I heard this for the first time that boy cannot touch his in-laws feet and felt very sad about it. In north India too, boy n girl both touch elder's feet as a respect. Though people have made it an ego issue and display of respect, but considering the logic behind this tradition, always makes me feel like touching elder's feet. The point which I got to know was that, on touching an elder's feet (especially toe) by hands (fingers) the positive energy n his/her strength are being passed on to the person touching the feet as the connection is made between toe and hand’s fingers. That is why it was said to be a blessing for younger ones. And that was the reason some rishi/muni didn't allow anybody touch their feet. But, it should be a personal choice, not a forced one....
ReplyDelete@IHM: I have stopped doing it altogether because I find it really a biased expression.
ReplyDelete@Varsha: Welcome to the blog!! In North India, many families, restrict a boy from touching his in laws feet because he is their damaad, so he is always bigger than any of elders:-(
I did not know that a man is not allowed to touch his in-laws feet. My husband does touch my dad's feet.. he is a big fan of seeking blessings from elders! Me I just go with the flow without being too alien to all those custom loving tradition following people! That to me is the sign of respect. I respect their beliefs so I follow them, so what if I think it is ridiculous? It keeps them happy and that to me is important! Will I expect the same from my son/niece/ nephew? Absolutely not!
ReplyDeleteI never heard too, that damaad is not supposed to touch his in-laws feet but in a country like India, it's not a big deal, if so happens. and wherever this happens, this is totally illogical.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Varsha, I heard the same thing that when you submit yourself, the other person gets delighted and positive energies came out of him. This is human nature. So Sandhya, the ways you suggested of showing respect also does the same thing.
Ultimately, when we lose our ego, we receive enormous amount of positive energy from the universe.
That's how this tradition came into the existence. (that's my thought)
When I'll marry, I or any of my family member won't be having any issue in touching in laws feet.
:) :) :) :)
@Ashish: welcome back! Yes, many many North Indian traditions are biased like that, hence they create unjust feelings.
ReplyDelete