Everyday Musings

Well said. But I feel Indian woman are not seriou...

2012-04-10T12:41:49.656-04:00

Well said.
But I feel Indian woman are not seriously trying to bring about a change. In the initial days after the marriage the DILs prefer to be servile, ready to do anything to impress and please the in-laws. But they cannot put on that mask for long. And when their true self comes out the trouble creeps in. As long as they refuse to express their individuality (without offending others) right from the beginning they will end up complaining.

Inspite of having conservative in-laws I don't have such complaints (but yes, there are different sort of complaints) because I never tried to disguise my own self.

Im surprised that such a scenario exists in the wo...

2012-03-07T10:41:58.479-05:00

Im surprised that such a scenario exists in the world and not in India only..

I lived in the US for 7 years, and never heard jok...

2011-10-20T00:38:00.486-04:00

I lived in the US for 7 years, and never heard jokes about marriage and the burden of marriage to men or how they lose their freedom from anyone there. People got married because they wanted to get married, not because they had to! Because they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together! They had children because they wanted to.. not because their in-laws demanded it of them!

And that's where the difference lies.... Indians get married because they HAVE to... not because they want to. and that's the start to all the problems... and the cycle repeats with every generation!!!!!

Well written post, Sandhya. I can relate to a lot...

2011-10-20T00:16:53.827-04:00

Well written post, Sandhya.
I can relate to a lot of this - a large part of it has been something I have been going through myself for the last 2 years, and have heard a lot from friends as well.
Marriage is pretty much something you do because you have to do it - like brushing, eating, sleeping. It's a taboo if you don't get married. And god forbid you're old - you're labelled as being someone with problems and had to wait so long to find a guy!
Here's what I've come to believe - MILs feel that they went through a lot themselves with their in-laws, and so, their DILs should do the same. After all, how else would they be in control and in a commanding situation. As much as they like to believe that education and standing on your own feet is important, it seems to be applicable only to their daughters - not to their DIL. Even if they don't care about what you wear, when you go out, where you go, whether you work or not, blah blah blah... you might be making crores for all you care... but at home you have to be the "haan-ji" daughter-in-law - as you very aptly put it.
Another major problem lies with the men - they refuse to believe that their mothers can ever be wrong. They want wives who are educated, independent, etc., but they expect these same women to be submissive at home. After all's it's a man's world! Nothing will change for generations.
Every MIL says that she will not do to her DIL what she went through. But it doesn't happen just by saying it.
And after years, its only the women who have to give-in, to save their marriage. So they shut up and live the rest of their life, wishing that they'd never gotten married. And then the cycle begins again!!!!!
My moral of the story is - if you give in, you'll become like that 30 years later - when you have a DIL. Just to take badla - so don't give in. Stand up and fight for your rights.

Hmmpf!

2011-07-13T14:26:58.595-04:00

Hmmpf!

I totally agree with you...it's so difficult f...

2011-07-13T01:08:19.475-04:00

I totally agree with you...it's so difficult for people to stop being judgmental about others that they can't resist the urge to comment on every situation :(
Loved that FB status :)

Very well written piece of reality and i was think...

2011-07-05T10:10:32.388-04:00

Very well written piece of reality and i was thinking that only me (boy) has problems in life! :-)

Rohit
www.delhievents.com

Ohhh god i agree with u, but is duniya me mere jai...

2011-06-19T12:50:13.427-04:00

Ohhh god i agree with u, but is duniya me mere jaise achhe ladke bhi hai, I Love n respect my wife a lot :-)

2011-06-07T10:10:30.409-04:00

This comment has been removed by the author.

Hi Sandhya, I stumbled across your blog and found...

2011-06-06T02:38:49.456-04:00

Hi Sandhya,

I stumbled across your blog and found this so interesting. I always wondered what it's like for different cultures. My friend did a post on some of the aspects here http://www.lifeofsomethingnew.com/2011/05/mating-habits-in-india.html.

I linked to this post. I think my readers would love to read it. :)

Woefully Married... Married to divorce. Gettin...

2011-05-24T12:02:43.696-04:00

Woefully Married...

Married to divorce.

Getting married without giving it a proper thought is generally the first mistake that we make in the matrimony phase followed closely by second one in shape of a divorce after couple of months or years depending on individual levels of patience and tolerance. My statement may sound hyper to lot many of the readers but it is a hard fact of life. We are so casual and random about our selection of a life partner that it leads to utter disharmony in the married life.

The criteria of such an important decision of life is equally disgusting.. Normally it is money and physical looks and if you are bitten by the love bug than no criteria exists and it is just lover and the beloved arrangement with no justifications and basis... Considering the compatibility remains rarest of rare occurrences. No wonder marriages are being closely followed by divorce petitions resulting in lot of mental trauma for both partners and other family members who are needlessly roped in this chaotic situation.

Compatibility physical as well as mental is important for a lasting and enduring relationship. In the courtship period it is very difficult to judge a person properly as he or she is displaying his or her best self. And to unveil the true identity of the individual you need to spend time with each other and indulge in mutual sharing of various issues of life. When you are together for longer period and face the situations of life jointly these very situations and daily happenings ultimately unveils the true identity of a person. The match or mismatch becomes boldly visible and the remedy in shape of make or break is still in hand with minimum damage and embarrassment to both the families. But normally in a hurry to get united with the status of husband and wife we overlook and ignore the compatibility requirements which results in disastrous consequences for both husband and wife.

Beauty attracts vice and if you are beautiful or handsome the chances are that the person courting you might be more towards your physical charm guided by lustful feelings and once sex takes place the objective is achieved and the attraction vanishes. Such kind of people seek variety and to add spice to their life they start looking for a fresh catch forgetting the previous one. This shatters the self respect and pride of the person who was sexually exploited merely for satisfying the lust and not for marrying. Honor is lost, pride is lost everything is lost by then leaving behind a totally broken individual depressed in life.

There are numerous things which should be probed before entering into the relationship of marriage. Temperament, intelligence, sensitivity and various other traits of personality should be studied. How can we decide on all these issues and pass a judgment so fast which can effect our entire life. Not only ours but that too of our parents and our near and dear ones. Are we marrying to divorce? If not than please give a very careful thought to all the facts before taking a decision of marriage.

Marriages are not made in heaven as normally said. Had it been like that, no marriage would have broken. They are very much made here on earth by us and we are responsible for whatever is the outcome of such a relationship. So seek enduring relationships for mutual happiness

hahaha!! i liked the point on whole army of design...

2011-05-04T04:56:10.566-04:00

hahaha!! i liked the point on whole army of designers !! ROFL !! 90% of the gals go thru this phase in their life, whether love/ arranged!

@Vishal: What I have listed are not accusations bu...

2011-04-13T10:19:31.539-04:00

@Vishal: What I have listed are not accusations but reality. I don't want to simply wait for that time to come and find myself doing those things, I would rather ask questions and understand what makes people do it so it can be corrected. I don't see what kind of reasons can justify curbing someone's freedom of speech and freedom of living. If a hungry man steals food from a store for a valid reason that he has no money and was genuinely hungry, does that make his action right? Having reasons for doing something wrong doesn't make it right.
Thanks for stopping by.

Dear Sandhya ji, I really appreciate whatever conc...

2011-04-13T10:05:36.508-04:00

Dear Sandhya ji,
I really appreciate whatever concerns you've raised in your post. I had a question in my mind I wanted to ask, if I may. From the blog comments I realize that you are married, but no information about your kids. But never mind. What I want to say is, you have listed so many accusations here. The day when you'll step in the shoes of being Mother-in-law would you allow your daughter-in-law to have her freedom of speech, freedom of dressing, freedom of living ? I guess right now you'll say - Yes i'll. But wait for the time to come and then you'll realize why all this happens. And I am really not trying to be judgemental on your views. Neither I am advocating about you being right or wrong. All I want to say is that, its always easier said than done. But if you really mean what you've said, please do keep you words.

Abhimanyu : haanji ho gayee.

2011-04-09T22:54:20.631-04:00

Abhimanyu : haanji ho gayee.

क्या आपकी शादी हो गयी?

2011-04-08T15:25:58.219-04:00

क्या आपकी शादी हो गयी?

Hi Sandhya, got to know about this post on blogadd...

2011-04-03T10:00:06.170-04:00

Hi Sandhya,
got to know about this post on blogadda. Really very nice post.
since thousands of year women is being dominated in the marriage system by such social taboos, but because of growing education, awareness and social reforms situation is changing slowly. Now women have also started demanding equal status and when men recognizes it life goes smooth but he fails to do so it culminates in divorce.

Hello sandhya, I just came across your blog and lo...

2011-04-02T09:28:25.994-04:00

Hello sandhya, I just came across your blog and love your blog. its so accurately true. Marriage should be more than just the compromising female..I love the way you write. I too write a blog on my thoughts.. if you want check it out at - www.wizardofthought.com

I am a person striving hard to make people underst...

2011-03-30T03:26:40.544-04:00

I am a person striving hard to make people understand the last line of your post, all with my life itself. Am to the core against marriage as an institution. I should get married if I feel I need a company and I cant live with a person whom I meet over a cup of coffee. How can I make him understand that I am all this and all that, just through a few meetings? And above all, I cant look at every guy on the road, whether he will be fit for me or not. I believe, its a feeling that should happen on its own. Not only me, but also the person should feel that "I am the one". Lets give that curing time in life.

But sadly, all those relatives, a few of whom I havent even met since years, turned up to tune my mind to the "this happens to everyone in the world, right? Why dont you just obey?". Hell! Yes, Hell! Am having a real tough time. Huh! I have again loads in mind to dump on this topic, better i put in my blog.

Thanks for that post sweetie. Atleast, a few parents would get the clue!! Love you.

@ Phoenixritu : In India the wedding party just ne...

2011-03-25T10:00:09.409-04:00

@ Phoenixritu : In India the wedding party just never leaves and I believe that's half the problem!

@Swaram: IHM invoked me :-)

2011-03-25T09:59:20.853-04:00

@Swaram: IHM invoked me :-)

@RM: Do you think men also count their blessings f...

2011-03-25T09:58:34.510-04:00

@RM: Do you think men also count their blessings for being treated as equals?

@coolkamikazecat : That is right, not everyone is ...

2011-03-25T09:53:10.228-04:00

@coolkamikazecat : That is right, not everyone is like that but majority is and hence the post. Plus, if someone does have a good married relationship where wife and husband are truly equal, somehow society expects the girl to be apologetic about it, her in laws feel that her husband is just too nice to her, its as if being treated equally is privilege for girls whereas it has to be an unspoken fact, there should be no other way.

nice

2011-03-25T01:27:09.585-04:00

nice

Nicely written. It is so true. Particularly love...

2011-03-24T03:30:15.827-04:00

Nicely written. It is so true. Particularly loved the line .... People say marriage isn't between two individuals but between two families, I would tweak this statement with one word and say that "A wedding is between the families but marriage is between two individuals"